Aggie Joke Page
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THE AGGIE JOKE
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46 Total Jokes
Q: Why did the aggie get fired from the M&M factory??
A: He kept on throwing out the W's.
(Submitted by Jayson)
Q: What do you call an aggie's skeleton in a closet?
A: The winner of a Hide and Go Seek game.
(Submitted by Jayson)
An aggie ordered a pizza. The person on the phone said
"How would you like that 6 or 12 slices?" The aggie replied,
"I don't think i can finish 12 slices."
(Submitted by Jayson)
Q:Why was the Aggie stabbing his cereal?
A: He wanted to be a cereal killer
(Submitted by Caleb)
An aggie and a Longhorn were sentenced to the electric chair
for a murder. The police told the Longhorn that if nothing happened he was
free to go. He asked the Longhorn if he had any last words and the
Longhorn said no so he pushed the button. Nothing happened so he was free to go.
Then the aggie got into the chair and they told him if nothing happened then he
was free to go. So they asked him if he had any last words and he said "it
might help if you plug in the chair!"
(Sumbitted by another Aggie Fan but Webmaster always gets final word.)
An aggie, a UT, and a Baylor student all go hunting. The
Baylor student goes out and he came back with a big bear. They all ask him how
he got him and he said that he saw tracks, followed the tracks and he gets a big
bear. The UT student goes out and comes back later with a cougar. they all ask
him how he gets it and he said the same thing that the Baylor student said. Well
when the aggie student goes out and comes back all bloody and then they all ask
him what happened and he said that he saw tracks, he followed the tracks and got
hit by a train!!!
(Submitted by Brance Coleman)
An Aggie and 2 Longhorns are running away from the
police. They go into the woods to hide, so they climb into three different
trees. The cops go into woods they look up into the trees they yell up
into the first Longhorn's tree and yell "Is anyone up there?" The
First Longhorn yells " MEOW MEOOOW." The cop yells into the
second Longhorn's tree and the Longhorn yells"who whoo whoooo".
Then the cop yells int the Aggie's tree. the Aggie yells"Moo moo moooo"!!!!
(Submitted by Aggie Girl but the Webmaster changed the joke a little)
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting
what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me
like you're spending too much time on one subject."
(Submitted by Mike Goldstein)
An Aggie student is doing an experiment with a frog. He wants
to see how far the frog jumps each time he cuts off a leg. The Aggie student
cuts off one of the frogs legs and says, "Jump froggy." The frog
jumps. He records in is notebook, froggy with three legs jumps thirty feet. Then
he cuts off a second leg and says, "Jump froggy." He writes down in
his notebook, froggy with two legs jumps twenty feet. Then he cuts off its third
leg and says, "Jump froggy." He writes down in his notebook, froggy
with one leg jumps ten feet. Then he cuts off its last leg and says, "Jump
froggy." The frog just sits there. The Aggie says again, "Jump froggy!"
But the frog just sits there. Finally, he writes in his notebook, froggy with no
legs can't hear.
(Submitted by Jennifer Headley)
There were 3 Aggies in a car and they were going to Disney
World and they saw a road sign and it said "Disney World Left" so
they turned around and went home.
(Submited by Cody Moles)
There was an Aggie sitting in a rowboat in the middle of the
football field. Another Aggie in a truck shows up and asks, "What are
you doing?" The 1st Aggie said, "I just bought this boat and I
couldn't find a body of water, so I took it here and started paddling."
The 2nd Aggie says, "You stupid idiot! If I knew how to swim, I
would come out there and punch you in the face."
(Submitted by Markus Stratton)
A guy walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender and says,
"Would you like to hear an Aggie joke?" The bartender, who was a big
guy says "Now before you tell that joke take a look at that diploma, I went
to Texas A&M, and you see that guy working the door, an equally large man,
he went to A&M, and that guy over there playing pool well he's an Aggie too,
so now are you sure you want to tell that joke?" So the guy says "Well
not anymore, I would have to explain it 3 times"
(Submitted by Phillip)
Q: Why did they ban the wave at Kyle Field?
A: Becasue 2 poor aggies drowned.
(Submitted by James Booe)
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to
me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "TEXAS A&M".
And THEY say blondes are dumb???
(Submitted by Troy)
Q: Why don't police cars have 9-1-1 typed on the side around
a&m? A: because the aggies kept stealing them thinking they were porches
(Submitted by Chris S.)
Q: How do you keep an Aggie busy?
A: Put into a round room and tell them to pee in a corner.
(Submitted by Shannon)
A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room.
As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."
The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour.
"In this room, I was thinking of an offblue."
Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color.
And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!"
Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?"
The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of Aggies
laying sod across the street."
(Submitted by Leighton Weiss)
Q. What does it say on the bottom of Dr. Pepper bottles at
A&M?
A. Open other end.
(Submitted by Mike)
Q: What do you call a UT Graduate?
A: Boss!!
(Submitted by Clay Stewart)
The Aggie goes into the drug store to buy his
first pack of condoms. He asks the clerk for the pack marked $2.00 on the
display rack behind the counter. The clerk rings up the purchase and says,
"That will be $2.12 with tax, please", to which the Aggie responds in
horror, "Tacks! My friends didn't tell me that's how they stay on."
(Submitted by John)
An Aggie and a Longhorn are caught by a jungle tribe and sentenced to death. They are told that they will each have one last request. The Aggie thinks and says, "I want to hear the A&M Fight Song just one more time." The tribe agrees and asks the Longhorn what his last request is. He replies with only 3 words, "Kill Me First."
(Submitted by the OU Fan sitting next to me on a plane)
Q: What do you do when an Aggie throws a grenade
at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
(Submitted by Jack Mehoff)
Three men, strangers to one another, are drinking in a bar and engaged in idle talk. After a while, one says to another, "You're a Harvard man, arent you?" The second man says, "yes, how did you know?" The first man replies, "I could tell by your command of language and your confident demeanor." The second man says to the first, "You are a MIT graduate, arent you?" The first man says "yes, how did you know?" The second man replied, "You have a logical, very precise mind." They both look at the third man and ask, "You went to Texas A&M, didn't you?" The third man said, "yes, how could you tell?" They reply: "We saw your class ring when you were picking your nose."
(Submitted by Craig Brams)
Two Aggies encounter a large German Shepard
licking his private area. One Aggie says to the other, "I wish I could do
that." His friend replied, "If you pet him real nice, he might let
you."
(Submitted by Craig Brams)
Q: What did the UT graduate say to the a&m graduate?
A: You're Fired!
Q: What did the a&m graduate say to the UT graduate?
A: Would you like fries with that?
(Submitted by William)
Q: Why did the aggie cross the road?
A: He was stuck in the chicken!
(Submitted by Sam Coronado)
A little boy and his mother were walking through a College Station cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read "Here lies a Texas A&M graduate and an honest man." The little boy asked, "Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?"
Did you hear about the Aggie linebacker that stole a police car? He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
Two Aggie fans were walking through the woods when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Aggie fan said, "Those are deer tracks." The second fan said, "No, they're too big to be deer tracks. They must be elk tracks." As the debate continued, they got hit by a train.
Did you hear the Texas A&M library burned down? The saddest part was that half the books weren't colored in yet. The OU library burned down too. They lost their book.
Two Aggie football players were down in College Station partying. They were hootin' and hollerin' when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took two months. "Two months!?" exclaimed the bartender. The Aggie replied, "Yeah, but the box said 4-6 years."
An Aggie student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty coed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the tired line "Where do y'all go to school?" The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The Aggie student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DO Y'ALL GO TO SCHOOL?"
A Aggie football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback Riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged it in time!
Did you hear that Coach R.C. Slokum is only dressing 10 players for the next home game. The rest of the team will get dressed by themselves.
Q: Where was O.J. Simpson headed in the white Bronco?
A: College Station, Texas. He knew the police would never look for a Heisman
Trophy winner there.
Q: Why do Aggie cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.
Q: What do you get when you put 32 Aggie cheerleaders in the
same room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: How do you get an Aggie cheerleader into your dorm
room?
A: Grease her hips and push.
Q: How many Aggies does it take to tackle a running
back?
A: Good question, no one knows.
Q: Why is ice no longer available at Aggie football games?
A: The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
Q: How is the Aggie football team like a possum?
A: They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: What are the longest 3 years of an Aggie football player's
life?
A: His freshman year.
Q: Why did Texas A&M University replace the stadium grass
with Astroturf?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during games.
Q: How do you get an Aggie graduate off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: How many Texas A&M freshmen does it take to change a
lightbulb?
A: None. That's a sophomore course.
Q: What does the average Aggie football player get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Add your Aggie Joke below. Don't worry about being too cruel. Most Aggie Graduates can't read anyways! All clean jokes will be added to the page soon.